On crisis ages through the eyes of a neurologist

“Our child has become stubborn, does not obey, does everything in his own way and throws tantrums…. He needs something soothing … ” 

Such complaints are more often heard from parents of children in transition: about 3 years old and about 14 years old (in fact, some earlier, some later, depending on the rapid or early maturation).

This is the period when the child begins to feel confident in his abilities and the ability to independently achieve his goal, to make decisions on his own. He has no negative experience, from which his parents protected him, so he self-confidently strives for a new goal of knowing the world around him, and fears fade into the background. The child does not understand why he is forbidden to improve his skills and is outraged by this. But parents are not yet ready for this independence and a conflict of interests arises. Parents want unconditional obedience, and children want independence and a little leadership in the situation. 

During this period, it is very important to protect the child from a danger that he has no idea about, but also not to crush, with the help of punishments and threats, the desire to explore the world and achieve the goal. 

The best way is to turn your attention to an equally interesting object, game, hobby. Spend more time with your child, coming up with some kind of joint activities in the house and (or) on the street. If you are benevolent, tolerant and persuasive, if you manage to find a compromise or show imagination, you will earn the respect and trust of your child and he will never try to hide from you and secretly do “his own way” or deceive you.   

The main thing is not to be lazy and be creative. You will feel that you are in control of the situation, not you. It will boost your self-esteem too.

So, if a child is persistent and independent, this is more a plus than a minus. Your task is to protect him from danger, offering all kinds of safe ways to realize your capabilities (sports, creativity). And most importantly, do not forget to praise if the child even tries to follow your advice.  

An understanding of the needs and a good relationship with the child is in the hands of the parents and cannot be replaced by drugs. Remember that a child needs not only proper nutrition, regimen and knowledge, but no less needs love and participation.   

If you find it difficult to understand the peculiarities of your child’s behavior, if the misunderstanding is growing like a snowball, contact a psychologist and he will help you find the clue. 

I wish you success in this interesting, creative and rewarding work, raising your child.